I’ve been following another blog called, “Not so growed up” and it has taught me so much about myself.
It began in January 2017. In a nut shell, I come from a broken, dysfunctional home; and nobody escaped without a shopping list of mental illnesses. I’m the only one who chose to face it, get on medication, and devote the time to go to therapy. Unfortunately, my daughter is living with her dad and even though we’ve been separated for eleven years, we are still technically married. Divorce costs a lot, and I’m not paying his share too! (Which he expects me to do)
Since 2011, I’ve been weeding people who are detrimental to my mental health, out of my life. Yes, even my own mom. Somehow, my mom slithered her way into my daughter’s head and convinced her that I was to blame for everything that had gone wrong in her life.
I used to write on Wattpad, but not since that fateful day in January when I logged in and saw a notification that she had written a new story called, “Mother” and immediately my stomach dropped to the floor. After calling me everything but a human being, she ended it with, how the only thing she wants is for me to delete my account and leave her alone forever.
I had been trying for months to talk, text, understand, and try to get down to her level. Every time I tried, she would start crying out of nowhere; which led to her dad grabbing the phone and screaming at me. I was emotionally exhausted and it was obvious now, it had been her plan for a few months. I figured since I couldn’t make her happy any other way, the least I could do, was respect her wishes. I wrote her a short message telling her I would always love her, and I would be deleting my account that day. She wrote back, “Good, all I ever wanted was for you to leave me alone!”
So, these days when people ask if I have any kids, I find it’s a lot easier just to say, “No.” If that’s wrong, and upsets anyone, I honestly don’t care anymore. I’ve been put through the ringer and you can’t hurt me worse than my so called family already has; repeatedly.
Stephen was there for me like nobody had ever been there for me before. It was the worst time in my life. The emotional, mental, physical, and psychological torment I was experiencing was so unbearable I thought it would never let up. So many times, I don’t even know how many; Stephen walked in on me trying to commit suicide. He put my all of my medication under lock and key. Then, he would give me my medicine in the morning, when he came home on lunch, and again before bed. Even when he had to work the next day, he would stay up with me if I had, had a bad day. When there was nothing that could be said to make it better, he would let me cry while he held me in his arms. We both knew only time could make this sting a little less. Sometimes, we’d talk for hours just to keep my mind preoccupied. He literally saved my life.
We became increasingly intimate. We’ve been together for 5 years, but it feels like a brand new relationship. It was around the beginning of February when he finally opened up to me about his sexual desires and fantasies. I asked him why he didn’t tell me sooner. He’s kinky, lol 😂 and he was terrified I was going to pack my bags and run out the door. He’s adorable 😊
Of course, that brings up the thought of, what am I into? I’ve been stuck in relationships with guys who were always after their own satisfaction in the past so my sex had always been a little vanilla 😴 I knew about the regular stuff: oral, different positions, toys, and anal if he pressed the issue.
Stephen said that wasn’t right, and I needed to find out what I desire. What my fantasies are. He told me to explore because he wants to please me, fulfill my wants, needs, and desires.
So, off to the Internet I skipped. Along my travels, I came upon a palace of sex and probably everything you’d want to know about it. Amongst many other kinks, I came across something called, “Age Play” and I loved the concept! We used it several times before I realized that I couldn’t pull myself away from it.
Suddenly, I was obsessed. Always in that head space and feeling those indescribable feelings that only another babygirl can understand. I thought something was wrong with me! Back down the yellow brick road we go…. Google
Thank heavens for Google! I knew how I felt but had no idea what to do with it. This picture is from the beginning. I felt all wrong; mixing lingerie with pigtails. A lot of the time, my so called Age Play kink, had absolutely nothing to do with sex at all! Before I found Tammytoes, I started to find out that I was most comfortable by myself. (Only until I could figure out what it was, because my personality had changed practically overnight.)
I never felt like there was anything wrong about what I did; I just knew there had to be a name for it. I couldn’t be the only person who happened upon this, and suddenly felt like they had found themselves. When I learned the difference between age play and being a babygirl 😮💭 My mind was blown.
Age play versus Babygirl:
Anyone can participate in age play if they so choose by picking an age, and acting it out for a certain amount of time. This is usually done with a partner during sexual activities, although it can be role-played by ones self and it can also be non-sexual. Sometimes, it’s done to escape the stress and responsibilities of being an adult. A person who age plays, can turn it on and off like a switch. Where as someone who is a babygirl, is naturally a kid at heart and has to slowly go from one head space to another.
Recently, I began reading “The Big Book For Littles: Tips And Tricks For Age Players And Their Partners” By Penny Barber
I haven’t read the entire book yet, but so far she has made some incredible points and given loads of valuable information! Here are some screenshots from her book with information that really enlightened me.