I always thought I was a good person; sure I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, but who hasn’t? Maybe I just used to be a good person. They say people can’t change, but I’m a living example of how I’m a polar opposite of myself from seven years ago and now. My self image is a monster. Whenever a guy tells you he wants to know all your thoughts and feelings, I would be skeptical. Just a word of advice. Examine the relationship first, and make sure it can withstand you speaking your mind. Stephen told me he wanted to know mine, and everytime I share my thoughts, feelings, or opinions; he takes it as he has failed me. I know our relationship is breaking down because of it, and now I need to go back to hiding that part of myself.
I never expected to make it to 30 to be honest. For about five years, I was as lonely and sad as I am now. I have no one, and the one person I did have seems to have lost (I’m at a loss for the word) for me. For example, he used to happily take the trash out of the room once I gathered it up into bags. He would make me dinner, and now he gets mad if I don’t come out right away. It’s like a control issue, I feel like. Tonight, he said he wanted to go to bed and start over fresh tomorrow, because I told him how I felt and what I was thinking. He makes me feel like a horrible person for expressing myself, yet it’s ok for everyone to do it! He spent all night, Thursday, belittling me over the way I talk, the words I use, and how I come off. I feel confused, uncomfortable around him, sad, angry, and on the verge of snapping mentally. He knows I’m going to forgive him, and he’s treating it the word, “Sorry” like a magic button. I feel taken advantage of because it happens so often. I’m about to break!